


Wrath of the Deadly Hammer Falcon

by ScreamoShaymin



Category: Super Smash Brothers
Genre: Crack, Dark Comedy, he's got a hammer!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-06
Updated: 2015-06-06
Packaged: 2018-04-03 04:35:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 704
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4087060
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ScreamoShaymin/pseuds/ScreamoShaymin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Captain Falcon grabs a hammer... and it all goes downhill from there!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Wrath of the Deadly Hammer Falcon

Donkey Kong was derping in the corner again. Link saw this as the perfect opportunity to knock him out. He pulled out his boomerang. Mario stopped him.

"Link, why do you insist on knocking off a poor, defenseless creature who doesn't know what he's doing?"

Link didn't pay attention to Mario, but instead to Captain Falcon, who was waiting for Mario to finish. Suddenly, a hammer appeared behind him.

"Uh...Mario..." Link tried to warn Mario. Mario didn't hear him. Instead, he was reading the 'Smash Rule-book'. Behind him, Falcon spotted the hammer.

"Mario, turn around!"

Now Mario was trying to floss his teeth and talk at the same time. Captain Falcon grabbed the hammer. Link, exasperated, finally grabbed Mario and turned him around.

"Mario, for the love of Tabuu, man, look what's happening!"

Mario couldn't say anything. Captain Falcon had hit him in the side of the face and flung him off the side of the stage with the hammer. Luigi popped out of nowhere and started screaming at Falcon.

"Captain Falcon, you killed my brother! You'll pay for that!"

Captain Falcon lifted the mighty weapon above his head, and brought it down on Luigi's head. All that was left of him was a squishy green stain on the ground.

Link screeched, " No! Don't hurt me!" and ran off. He kept running until he reached the launch of Fox's new airship. He collapsed, out of breath.

"Whew... He shouldn't get me here!"

Link felt a tap on his shoulder. He turned around slowly and saw him... The mighty purple-clothed being that would be the end of him. Link sprang up and narrowly missed being squashed. He ran inside the open door to the ship. When he got in, the door shut, leaving Link inside... Safe and sound.

"Hey! What're you doing in here?"

It was Falco, Fox's ally. Link begged at his feet.

"Please! Don't leave me out there! That maniac will kill me! If you have any heart, you will not leave me outside that door!"

Falco pondered this for a moment... Then tied Link to the airship.

"Well," Link said reassuringly, " He shouldn't be able to get me up here!"

Then stood the crazed killer above him. He held Falco in the hand that didn't hold the hammer. Falco's head was bashed down into his chest.

"What?" Link said, confused. " How can he walk on this thing? It's standing straight up!"

Captain Falcon squinted. " Magnet shoes, for the win!" He held up the hammer, dropping Falco, who landed on the 'launch' button. Then, with a mighty rumble, the ship started to blast off, which knocked Falcon on his kiester. Of course, he didn't fall off. Or drop the hammer.

"Really?" Link screamed. Captain Falcon squinted again.

"Magnet pants, for the win!"

The ship turned sideways. Link pulled himself from the under the loosened ropes and headed for the ship's tail. Falcon followed him, bent on destroying the Hylian hero. Link was at the very end of the tail,and if he travelled any further, he would surely fall of. He turned to see Falcon standing there. " End of the line, Link! Time to die!"

He raised the hammer. Link braced for death. As Falcon swung it downwards, it disappeared. Link let his guard down as Captain Falcon, once ann unstoppable force from heck, now looked in horror as his hammer was gone. " No! It's not fair! I almost had him!"

Link pulled out his boomerang as he did with Donkey Kong while he was derping in the corner, and lunged it at Falcon.

And like that... It was over. Link had seen him kill three, but there was a possible few more that he may not have seen. Now he was floating through space... Never to hurt anyone again.

TWO YEARS LATER...

Captain Falcon was floating through space for what felt like decades. He was really really really bored now. Then, off in the distance, he saw a small rocketship. It was headed for the smash world... And Falcon started to flag it down. It slowed, and Falcon saw Olimar in the cockpit.

"Hello! I'm very happy to see you! Say... Do you have a hammer on you by any chance?"


End file.
